as we enter adulthood...

eighteen.  

oh my heart.

I started compiling all of my previous blog entries into a book format over the past year.  Re-reading Hunter's journey has been filled with a range of emotions: disbelief, fear, joy, sadness, pride, and immense love.

Every day has not been easy. The early weeks of hypothesizing about what went wrong to our neurotypical child, praying about how to "fix" it, and going through the stages of grief to learn how to most effectively help our son recover.

And now, I'm having a hard time putting words to paper what the number 18 means to us, because my head is swarming with the following:

-a very long application for SSI benefits that I'm procrastinating

-our supported decision-making affidavit that is now active

-to-do emails indicating that my access to his health records has ceased

-figuring out Hunter's next step after his senior year

-pending kidney function results due to high protein in his urine

-recent neuropsychology evaluation and vocational evaluation results (he's average folks :))

As an "adult" I should feel like he is close to spreading his wings, and I am overwhelmed with so many goals, so many skills that needed to be developed before we hit this milestone birthday.

The early years were filled with constant evaluations, a difficult Autism diagnosis, ARD meetings, various specialists, and unpredictable behavior and unanswered prayers. After undergoing IVIG treatment for his diagnosed Autoimmune Encephalitis, we were looking at glimpses of our previous sweet boy. Gone were the rages, the recurring strep infections and rashes, and we were optimistic that we were on the right road to recovery.

It seemed like we were in a constant state of moving forward and then falling behind. He was also diagnosed with Vitiligo, Celiac, and at the age of 11, Type 1 Diabetes, which has rocked our world. As our pediatrician had stated early on, a perfect storm with his infection created autoimmune reactions and cognitive changes that would be most likely be permanent.

And here we are at eighteen years of age, and we are still fighting daily battles that these changes created.

So would I skip the hard parts?  If I could do it all over again, would we skip the strep and PANDAS that changed it all? 

I would definitely take away the heartache, the sadness, the hurt, the anger, and the illnesses....

But in taking away the factors that started this journey,

the journey would not have brought us closer to one another.

brought us small victories that most often go unappreciated or unnoticed,

brought us faith, trust, and taught us to pray as a unit,

and brought us unending perseverance. 

He is here.

He is thriving in a regular education classroom with support.

He is driving with a permit.

He passed all of our state assessments on his own.

He is witty, charming, handsome, and empathetic.

He is ours, and we are so darn proud of all of his accomplishments thus far.

Pray for our boy- I mean, our new adult-

that he doesn't ever doubt himself, his capabilities, his worth, and his parents immense love for him.

Happy 18th, Hunter.

You are one amazing man.