the playground

The playground can be a frightening, overwhelming place for kids- even those not on the Autism spectrum. There will always be the mean kids who won't let you join their game; the athletes who play sports every recess; and then there's the buddy bench, a place where I have observed my child to sit alone. I hate to admit it, but when Hunter was younger, I would sometimes sit across from the playground and weep as I saw him either wander around alone or swing for 30 minutes straight. i wanted to run over and help him, guide him to a group of kids, and tell them to let him join.  I kept telling myself that swinging was a much needed sensory break for him, but a heartbreaking, solitary activity in the same.

Yesterday after school, Hunter was bursting to tell me about recess. "Mommy!! I played basketball today with the kids on the court!" Of course, I had several questions...he independently walked up to the group, asked "if he could join the fun," and played with a group of athletic sweet souls that didn't mind a non-athletic boy joining their game. He shifted from playing "knockout" to being the announcer, and he was perfectly content, just to be included . I'm so proud of his bravery to leave the safe bubble of the swings and branch out to use those social skills that I know have been in there, just waiting for the right moment to shine.

If you think about it, life is really that same elementary school playground.  Even though we aren't running around, playing tag and going down the slides, we are constantly trying to find somewhere to belong.  At work, we are vying for that new position to be the leader of the pack.  At social events, we are searching, waiting, eyeing our surroundings to determine which group to join in conversation.  At our children's school, we attempt to figure our which families are similar to our own- can we really tell who has the same morals that we do from one PTO meeting?  

This playground doesn't really get easier as we age.  We may have different insecurities at 40 than 10, but we all want the opportunity to find our group.  Find our niche.  Find the desirable sense of belonging.

This group of boys who told Hunter, "YES," when he asked to play, doesn't realize the impact their one word answer had on his psyche.  He went out on a limb, stepped out of his zone, and attempted to practice a skill that has been rehearsed, drilled, and practiced so many times.  I can't imagine how a negative response, a laugh, a loud NO would have ended his attempt.  I can't bear to think about how crushing it would have been to his spirit.  

No matter how many bullies there are in this world, whether it's a classmate or a mom-shamer, kindness ALWAYS wins. Here's to more stories that make me happy cry. #takethatautism#notjust1in45 #raisethemright