Not my proudest mama bear moment
We went to see Disney on Ice today for a post-birthday celebration for Paige. The kids were all excited and we all were hopeful that "Frozen" would be included in the show. The last time we went to a big event at a convention center, the Ringling Brothers Circus, Hunter had a very hard time walking to the seats. He started hitting, "how dare you's," running away, even before we got close to our section. He has been having amazing days- we have really focused on the manners, and almost every response is an automatic, "yes, mamm." Even though it isn't natural for me to add the mamm and sir, living in the south, it is a preferred response, especially at school. He has been returning electronics fairly easy and has participated in many activities, games, bike rides with the family. Thanksgiving was a little hard for him, but overall did well.
We walked in with a smiling, happy Hunter. Through the security, past all of the light-up, twirling expensive toys that parents wince when they see, and to our section. I told Hunter earlier in the day that it wouldn't be too loud, and he would love to hear the music and see the ice skating. He made it all the way up the ramp and to our row of seats before he started to get upset. I took him aside and asked him "just to try." I held his hand, and he sat with me, but when the announcer came on and started his, "WELCOME to DISNEY ON ICE!" I was hit in the face and he screamed, "I want to go home!" I was able to calm him for a minute, but when the music started, he hit me again and kicked the chairs in front of us. The lady behind me, loud enough for me to hear over the music and Hunter's cries, said, "There is NO way I can see you letting that happen."
I turned around and looked at both of them, to which her friend/daughter, said, "I would NEVER allow my kid to hit me," as they both sat there, rolling their eyes and smirking at the situation.
Well, could be that I was tired, or more likely, the fact that I was celebrating prior to this incident because I thought he was doing so WELL...but I snapped.
"Yes, you would let it happen, " I said. "Because my son has Autism."
She stammered and said, "Oh, I didn't know."
I turned around and sat there in disbelief. How can some people be so ignorant?
As I held Hunter's ears and had somewhat pinned his legs to avoid him kicking the chair in front of us, I just shook my head. I became more and more angry. How does a stranger see a situation for less than two minutes and think they could handle it so much better than the mother?
So after he slapped my face, I turned around with a stinging cheek as I could still hear their rumblings.
"Now you have seen just a glimpse of what my life is like. So maybe next time you will think before you say something."
As I turned back around, she responded, "Mamm, I told you I'm sorry. I feel bad."
Hunter and I needed to move to the end of the row so he could feel like he could exit easily if needed (I totally get the feeling- I hate to be in the middle of rows), and as the anxiety faded, he moved from my lap to his own seat, and then slowly his hands came off his ears and he sat and watched the show. At one point, he said, "Mommy! I'm not even covering my ears!!"
During the second half, he smiled during the entire Frozen section and said, "I'm being so good mommy!" He went to the bathroom during the intermission with me and he waited in a long line with absolutely no issues. He never once asked for the cotton candy, popcorn, or any toys adjacent to the bathroom. He was pleasant about 90% of the show, with his anxiety overtaking him in the initial few minutes. I couldn't have asked for a better scenario. Like I said, as he was hitting me, I was still excited he had made it to the seat on the initial get go.
As he sat watching the show, my stomach began to turn because I felt so bad for not holding my comments in. I wouldn't have been as upset if I had stopped at the first comment, but I didn't need to dig it in with the second. I haven't done that in so long- I thought I was finished with that stage of grief.
But if I hadn't said something initially, I would have sat there for the whole show wishing I would have advocated for my son.
Lose-lose situation.
I just wish that someday we could go to an event, and I wouldn't get stares, I wouldn't get side comments and whispering, and I could give them the "look" to let them know I heard and it would end. I think about all the moms in the beginning of their journey, who are just trying to figure their "new life" out. One of the hard things that the moms in my support group say about having a child with Autism is they don't look any different- so everyone just assumes it is bad behavior. But if they could take the ignorance from their eyes, they would realize that a child screaming and covering his ears, hitting his mommy and telling her to take him home, while not getting out of his chair and attempting to see what was before him, is not normal. It's not bad behavior.
And it is most definitely not bad parenting.
So I may have ruined her show, and I feel horrible.
But I don't think she will ever poke fun at a parent having a hard time, loud enough for them to hear and continue on even when the parent is looking at them in the eye.
I wish I could have bit my tongue and taken back my second comment, but I don't know if I feel totally remorseful for the first, when she wanted me to hear her judgment and analysis of the situation.
I have to advocate for my child, and for all the other 1 in 68 kids who is trying to make it in a world of abnormalcy.
Here are a few pictures from the show:
We walked in with a smiling, happy Hunter. Through the security, past all of the light-up, twirling expensive toys that parents wince when they see, and to our section. I told Hunter earlier in the day that it wouldn't be too loud, and he would love to hear the music and see the ice skating. He made it all the way up the ramp and to our row of seats before he started to get upset. I took him aside and asked him "just to try." I held his hand, and he sat with me, but when the announcer came on and started his, "WELCOME to DISNEY ON ICE!" I was hit in the face and he screamed, "I want to go home!" I was able to calm him for a minute, but when the music started, he hit me again and kicked the chairs in front of us. The lady behind me, loud enough for me to hear over the music and Hunter's cries, said, "There is NO way I can see you letting that happen."
I turned around and looked at both of them, to which her friend/daughter, said, "I would NEVER allow my kid to hit me," as they both sat there, rolling their eyes and smirking at the situation.
Well, could be that I was tired, or more likely, the fact that I was celebrating prior to this incident because I thought he was doing so WELL...but I snapped.
"Yes, you would let it happen, " I said. "Because my son has Autism."
She stammered and said, "Oh, I didn't know."
I turned around and sat there in disbelief. How can some people be so ignorant?
As I held Hunter's ears and had somewhat pinned his legs to avoid him kicking the chair in front of us, I just shook my head. I became more and more angry. How does a stranger see a situation for less than two minutes and think they could handle it so much better than the mother?
So after he slapped my face, I turned around with a stinging cheek as I could still hear their rumblings.
"Now you have seen just a glimpse of what my life is like. So maybe next time you will think before you say something."
As I turned back around, she responded, "Mamm, I told you I'm sorry. I feel bad."
Hunter and I needed to move to the end of the row so he could feel like he could exit easily if needed (I totally get the feeling- I hate to be in the middle of rows), and as the anxiety faded, he moved from my lap to his own seat, and then slowly his hands came off his ears and he sat and watched the show. At one point, he said, "Mommy! I'm not even covering my ears!!"
During the second half, he smiled during the entire Frozen section and said, "I'm being so good mommy!" He went to the bathroom during the intermission with me and he waited in a long line with absolutely no issues. He never once asked for the cotton candy, popcorn, or any toys adjacent to the bathroom. He was pleasant about 90% of the show, with his anxiety overtaking him in the initial few minutes. I couldn't have asked for a better scenario. Like I said, as he was hitting me, I was still excited he had made it to the seat on the initial get go.
As he sat watching the show, my stomach began to turn because I felt so bad for not holding my comments in. I wouldn't have been as upset if I had stopped at the first comment, but I didn't need to dig it in with the second. I haven't done that in so long- I thought I was finished with that stage of grief.
But if I hadn't said something initially, I would have sat there for the whole show wishing I would have advocated for my son.
Lose-lose situation.
I just wish that someday we could go to an event, and I wouldn't get stares, I wouldn't get side comments and whispering, and I could give them the "look" to let them know I heard and it would end. I think about all the moms in the beginning of their journey, who are just trying to figure their "new life" out. One of the hard things that the moms in my support group say about having a child with Autism is they don't look any different- so everyone just assumes it is bad behavior. But if they could take the ignorance from their eyes, they would realize that a child screaming and covering his ears, hitting his mommy and telling her to take him home, while not getting out of his chair and attempting to see what was before him, is not normal. It's not bad behavior.
And it is most definitely not bad parenting.
So I may have ruined her show, and I feel horrible.
But I don't think she will ever poke fun at a parent having a hard time, loud enough for them to hear and continue on even when the parent is looking at them in the eye.
I wish I could have bit my tongue and taken back my second comment, but I don't know if I feel totally remorseful for the first, when she wanted me to hear her judgment and analysis of the situation.
I have to advocate for my child, and for all the other 1 in 68 kids who is trying to make it in a world of abnormalcy.
Here are a few pictures from the show:
You absolutely did the right thing and should not feel guilty about it! Hopefully she will thinkg twice before she places judgement on someone else.You are an amazing woman and mother who did the right thing and protected her child! Your courage is inspiring!!! Love you!
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