anticipating the milestone of 5 years of age
Hunter's fifth birthday is coming this Thursday.
When we started this journey, I knew that our family's focus would turn to recovery...especially before his fifth birthday. The most possible recovery and plasticity of the brain (reformatting those connections, etc) occurs before a child is five years old. That's why I am such a proponent of early intervention.
Well, here we are. Are we recovered yet?
Nope.
Are we close??
Nope.
This week we started a new in-home preschool for the summer. I was really excited about the possibility of him engaging with peers, following a routine, and keeping with that school schedule so transitions would not be that difficult.
When Peter dropped him off this morning, he hit and screamed for a good amount of time.
When I picked him up, he was hitting the computer and his sweet teacher.
We went to pick up Paige and her friend at Vacation Bible school, at their old private preschool. We saw so many friends, singing, laughing, joking...just enjoying the noisy, exciting summer unit. Paige had the biggest smile when we saw her walking with her friends, and then several of Hunter's old classmates walked by, with that same big, happy smile.
Ten minutes prior, I picked my son up in tears, with red eyes and a raised hand to his poor teacher.
I told myself we would be close to normalcy by his fifth birthday.
That gives me three days.
My anger today is so strong...I just want to be doing the normal summer things, like going to sports camps and VBS, and not driving all over town to therapy and intensive outpatient programs, feeding the other kids lunch in the car b/c we don't even have time to stop home in between. I haven't been reading my little prayer book- these last couple weeks have been pretty hairy with logistics; peter and I just crash when it is finally time to go to bed. I have not been making time to pray, as my kids are the ones reminding me to pray before meals and bed.
I opened the book today b/c my self-pity, which stemmed from anger, needed a slap in the face.
"Rest in Me, my child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking my spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant companion who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of my hand holding yours. Remembrance of me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of my presence with you. This will keep you resting in me, every day."
You would think I make these things up; these timed songs on the radio, readings that are fit to a tee...this one even mentioned the "journey." How else to explain God's way of talking to me, when I seem to lose sight and break down? When I truly feel like giving up?
Three days until his birthday.
Anticipation will not win.
When we started this journey, I knew that our family's focus would turn to recovery...especially before his fifth birthday. The most possible recovery and plasticity of the brain (reformatting those connections, etc) occurs before a child is five years old. That's why I am such a proponent of early intervention.
Well, here we are. Are we recovered yet?
Nope.
Are we close??
Nope.
This week we started a new in-home preschool for the summer. I was really excited about the possibility of him engaging with peers, following a routine, and keeping with that school schedule so transitions would not be that difficult.
When Peter dropped him off this morning, he hit and screamed for a good amount of time.
When I picked him up, he was hitting the computer and his sweet teacher.
We went to pick up Paige and her friend at Vacation Bible school, at their old private preschool. We saw so many friends, singing, laughing, joking...just enjoying the noisy, exciting summer unit. Paige had the biggest smile when we saw her walking with her friends, and then several of Hunter's old classmates walked by, with that same big, happy smile.
Ten minutes prior, I picked my son up in tears, with red eyes and a raised hand to his poor teacher.
I told myself we would be close to normalcy by his fifth birthday.
That gives me three days.
My anger today is so strong...I just want to be doing the normal summer things, like going to sports camps and VBS, and not driving all over town to therapy and intensive outpatient programs, feeding the other kids lunch in the car b/c we don't even have time to stop home in between. I haven't been reading my little prayer book- these last couple weeks have been pretty hairy with logistics; peter and I just crash when it is finally time to go to bed. I have not been making time to pray, as my kids are the ones reminding me to pray before meals and bed.
I opened the book today b/c my self-pity, which stemmed from anger, needed a slap in the face.
"Rest in Me, my child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking my spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant companion who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of my hand holding yours. Remembrance of me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of my presence with you. This will keep you resting in me, every day."
You would think I make these things up; these timed songs on the radio, readings that are fit to a tee...this one even mentioned the "journey." How else to explain God's way of talking to me, when I seem to lose sight and break down? When I truly feel like giving up?
Three days until his birthday.
Anticipation will not win.
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| Hunter's 3rd birthday |
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