It's time for counseling...

October 04, 2015

It's time for counseling...

I have a ton to catch up on. How does life just get busier?? I thought as the children aged, we would have more time but it is the exact opposite. We are constantly running in different directions.

We have had a lot of pillow talk in Paige's room at night. I had been opening her lunch box after school to find most of her non-eaten lunch inside. She told me that she wasn't hungry and had a stomachache during the lunch period. We also had a few conversations prior regarding Hunter's behavior at school.

Paige was starting to get embarrassed.

Hunter had a couple of weeks of non-compliance. He would either A) not get out of the car and have to get dragged in OR B) elope after he exited the car.

Unfortunately, his special exits always draw the eyes of the carpool parents, the safety patrol fifth graders, and some of Paige's friends. She started to feel the heat.

"Why does your brother run away?"

"Is that your brother yelling down the hallway?"

"Paige- your brother hit the teacher."

She told me one night that she didn't know how to answer their questions. So I had rehearsed the same speech I had given her in the beginning of Hunter's kindergarten year. She thought about it for a minute (basically the explanation that his brain is different as a result of an infection when he was little), and she said, "But I can't tell them about Autism, right?"

I dug a little deeper. "Why not?"

"It's not a secret?"

Oh sweet girl. No, it is not a secret. I do often whisper to professionals, teachers, etc that "He has Autism" because I don't feel that he is at the capacity to comprehend and handle that conversation yet. I know he has probably heard the word before, but I make every attempt to not let him hear it in his direction.

So I guess it does appear to others that is it a secret.

She also felt like others were depending on her to take care of her brother, to help him get in school, and calm him if he became upset. Well, she is EIGHT...and I can't even handle the fight or flight that results from dealing with his behavior.

I felt so bad for this little girl who felt like she had to hide the diagnosis, and was internalizing the anxiety directly related to this 6 letter word.

I knew at some point in this journey we would have to consult professionals for Hunter's siblings. As hard as we try to make things fair, even, and give attention to everyone equally, I'm sure it will never appear that they both "get" as much as Hunter does.

When the anxiety started to affect her emotional and physical well-being, I knew it was time.

I called the school counselor and asked her to meet with Paige. I had offered to Paige that same night as our conversation to go into their classroom and talk with her friends about Hunter. She seemed excited about that thought- but she asked, "So would I be in the room?" I talked with the counselor about my offer and she said she would meet with Paige and discuss.

Paige was pretty excited to get pulled out of class for something for HER.

The counselor debriefed me after their meeting and repeatedly told me how mature she was for her age. Paige had reviewed her triggers and her worries with this professional, and seemed to have extreme awareness of her emotions. The counselor thought she was in a good state, so told Paige to come and see her whenever she felt overwhelmed. I am going to make it a point for her to visit with her regularly. We also both told her that she was to enjoy school as PAIGE, not Hunter's sister. She did not have to take care of him...which she agreed to walk in on her own in the morning, since that seemed to be her highest period of anxiety.

Hunter and Paige's special friends' day was a few weeks ago. Hunter was adamant about me not going. I mentioned it in an earlier post, but he preferred to have no one there, instead of watching me leave at the end.

At breakfast the day before, I made one last attempt. After he politely refused (literally- "um, no thanks"), Paige said, "What if I was your special friend, Hunter?" He was super excited and immediately said yes. I talked with their teachers and the principal, and everyone approved the non-conventional visitor- a student.

I had just told her to separate from him at school- but she offered to be the one there for him. She didn't want him to be alone just as much as I did.

There is something amazing that happens to siblings of children with special needs. They love more, they separate less, and they are their sibling's rock.

She felt pretty cool to get to share in special friend's day- she was the only student allowed to do so. The counselor wanted her to take on more responsibility roles at school to try and separate home and school life, and she was just voted class rep for her 3rd grade section. We had her join the school choir and I try and have weekly playdates for just her.

But do I think she could just walk away and forget it if she saw Hunter having a hard time?

Nope, not for a second.

I want her to advocate, to accept, to guide, but yet separate, love, laugh, and lead others in Jesus' footsteps. Praying for the wisdom I will need to guide this young lady in living her life outside of being just Hunter's sister.