Shift of attention

November 14, 2012

Shift of attention

It can't always be about Hunter. 9 out of 10, it is almost always about him. We adapt nearly all situations to fit his needs, his moods, and his desires. Paige is an amazing big sister. She will give up a special treat if her brother didn't get one. She will let him play with her new toys, or pick the TV show, in order to make him happy.

Yesterday was "All About Paige" day. She turned six, and it made both Peter and I emotional to think of the obstacles she overcame when born 8 weeks early. 56 days before she had finished growing, developing her lungs, and gaining the strength to not have to endure tubes, breathing machines, and medical procedures. The NICU nurses told us at one point during her 31-day stay that she was born a fighter, and she would maintain that personality, as most NICU babies do.

We gave Paige her gifts in the morning, including a new bike that Daddy had the pleasure of building the night before. She also got a pair of new Toms (by her request), legos, a tea set for her Julie doll from Grandma and Grandpa in CA, and a few other little gifts. We made her breakfast and sent her off to school with a big smile on her face.

I had her design the menu for the dinner, and she requested ribs, green bean bundles, and risotto (well, I added that :)). I made a gluten free cake and decorated it with a 6 and all non-food coloring sprinkles. When I got home from work, we prepared to eat dinner and Hunter began to cry and complain about the food. He cried throughout the whole dinner, as we attempted to ignore and continue to praise our sweet baby girl. When it was time to sing happy birthday, he began to grind his teeth and cover his ears, but we just kept on singing and smiling. As we started to eat the cake, he threw his dinner plate and screamed some more. At one point, Paige looked at me and said, "Mommy, I can't really hear your questions with Hunter." I explained the importance of ignoring the behavior, but it made me so angry to have him take away from the one day that was supposed to be all about Paige.

Peter and I apologized to Paige later that night in bed, and of course her sweet self said it was OK, but I left her room wondering at what age she could possibly start to resent her brother. How much could she take of him constantly being the center of attention? I think about all of the times that we praise Hunter for doing tasks that we just take for granted that Paige would do on her own. We make an intense effort to spend quality time with both Paige and Peyton, so they don't feel like each day is surrounded around Hunter, with his therapy, his appointments, his daily schedule, and his behavior maintenance.

I have talked with several mommy friends about the guilt moms endure when raising a family of multiples. We not only have three children to attend to, but one of them requires so much more assistance that your heart constantly feels tugged in four different directions.

Paige was chosen as student of the month the first month of school (I mentioned this in a previous post), and I believe the compassionate, sweet, caring, and intuitive person that she is stems from the family dynamics in our house. She constantly watches out for both brothers, and is especially sensitive to the needs of Hunter. I love the bond they share, and I hope they continue to be there for one another in the future.